Having been out on a number of shoots and speaking to so many people, I have come to learn one thing - I am the student. I ask questions, I listen and I clarify... with the people I speak to that are the people of this country, who come from all walks of life. They are my teachers. And I am actually really really honoured to be afforded such a privilege to learn from all of them.

I really enjoy learning about SO MUCH things that's happening in my country. The kind of discourse taking place in our society - inequality being the hot topic now - and simply discovering the lovely small things that make our country colourful and literally blooming when I go to parks that are newly opened. I never knew we had so many lovely corners and places. And it's amazing to have the opportunity to meet so many interesting characters, personalities and wise owls.

With that, I also hear the worries and concerns of Singaporeans. What keeps them awake at night, their struggles and pains.

And I also meet lame Singaporeans that make me want to roll my eyes to eternity. I remember being at an event at Raffles Institution and I was speaking casually to one of the donors for a newly-opened cafe which supports special needs people. I thought well, all these 'donors' and 'stakeholders' must then be good-natured, altruistic and I suppose, sensible people. I was wrong. Within just a few minutes into the conversation, he asked me if I was a scholar. Then asked me which school I was from. I successfully made it through that small banter, but left feeling disappointed because just the nature of his questions showed that people are still so obsessed by these aggregates of achievements. It didn't help by the fact that we were at a school known for its elitism.

Then there are also Facebook comments online. Sigh, let's leave that conversation for another day. Or maybe let's not even go there.

But still, all in all, I am blessed to be in this job that lets me into people's lives and learn so much new things - about the society and world that we live in.

And my mind is often challenged, not just by the sheer quantity of knowledge but also its depth. That's why I'm writing so much on my blog these days, cause I'm often triggered by something I just learnt or found out. It's liberating to be typing it all out.

If I can, I'd definitely want to discuss some things here. When I get the feeeeels to type as well haha.

In the meantime, this young jedi is learning loads from Singaporeans who are my shifus.

over these past few months, i've grown a fondness for sitting on the mrt. not during peak period of course, but when i don't have to rush for work or anything. i've been taking taxis for every job event and reaching my destination within a matter of minutes. and every time, i'd wish the ride would last a little longer, and time would stretch just a bit more. cos i find myself trying to catch my breath ever so often. so when i get a chance to sit on the mrt and have some time to read, even look at other people.... i wouldn't mind that at all...

Sooooo in June my bro got married!!

Feels so long ago when it was really just.. three weeks ago?? Finally gots time to talk about it~

Here are some pictures teehee

bride and groom arriving in style~~

parents from both sides posing happily with their cert

sister from groom's side acting retarded and being very greedy

more stupidity from groom's side - sister and cousin

then came the lunch banquet

groom's side represent!!!!! cousins and all

yay!

unfortunately, my family was so busy with our relatives, that we ourselves, didn't take a proper nice family photo. shucks! my mom was highly upset especially since she wore such a lovely bright pink qipao.

that aside, what a lovely lovely day it was. all smooth, no hiccups, just a pure light-hearted ceremony. well done bro.

brought our relatives living in japan out for some local delicacies

so my aunt married a japanese and so, this is my half jap half singaporean coussie! technically, she's singaporean cuz at age 21, she chose to take up citizenship here instead of jap but she still lives in japan - not too sure why she chose us instead, but i'm not complainin!

haji lane~

we had a gooooood time :)

soooo good that I fell sick after that hahahah.

lemme give you a peek into all the National Day action I've been up to the past few weeks!

this year's funpacks designed by special needs children :)

me in action at the Float @Marina Bay

met the air traffic controllers behind the NDP flypast~ good looking lads

me and cynthia at a media preview! she used to be my wkw junior and she's now a Today reporter. it's alwaysssss good to have her around. wkw connections last forever

what you can expect at this year's performance :)

I'm really excited for this year's ndp and... if I must be real honest with ya, I was really happy to be chosen to do this heh. I've always wanted to cover the ndp bahahh. It's not something most journalists want to admit because it's apparently very "propagandic" and every year, there's always something to criticise. And although 'nation-building' sounds like a dirty thing, ndp really is the only time when everyone in the country can feel a semblance of being one. I can only be happy to be a part of that drive, however cheesy, cringey it may be.

I don't know if I've been brainwashed or what by the multiple media showcases, but... this year's feels uncringey. The song is a beautiful rendition of the 1987 classic. The funpacks are designed nicely and are of good material. Best of all - the performances are overseen by filmmaker Boo Junfeng. He is the creative director this year. After watching his film, Apprentice, I was sold. And if you don't already know, his films have always been highly critical of Singapore. Yet, he's decided to be a part of this, and that must mean something.

While it has been extremely tiring doing ndp stories on top of covering the day-to-day events, I have had some sense of satisfaction just putting stories out there. Like the one on air traffic controllers, I stayed up till 3:30am just to complete the article. It was actually really fun writing it! I enjoyed it!! I don't have much confidence writing long-form digital articles because I haven't had a lot of opportunities to write for print - plus my strength lies in broadcast writing. So when the editor got back to me and told me it was a great write, my confidence levels got boosted way high. Shameless advertising, read it here.

Also, I haven't announced this to a lot of people, only a select pool of friends and family.... I got promoted!!!! It's a pay raise plus a nice bonus to boot :) My two years as a producer didn't go to waste and my work has been recognised. I was really really happy. And my boss told me this piece of good news just a day after I wrote my previous blog post. A nice way to commemorate my second year here in Mediacorp.

So guys, I'm back in the game. IT'S GAME ON!

Really nice also to find gems in the office.

In the past few days and weeks, I've found a group of people I can rely on. I did my first parliament story, and I've come to appreciate my editor and the advice she's given me. I really really REALLY am grateful that my bosses are helping and guiding me. That's what I've always wanted at the start of my career, some coaching - it's nice to know that bosses care. That people actually CARE about what we do as journalists. And it's not easy especially since we're always running on a tight schedule, so I'm always extremely happy when they take time out to tell me my mistakes and what can be improved. It makes me think, hey, even though the work is tough, at least I don't mind working for these people who give a shit.

I am also thankful... to have found a good friend at work. Finally :') Michelle is a gem - someone I can laugh with, talk about all things current affairs and a person I can confide in. She has such a positive spirit and I always look forward to seeing her bright cheery face and having our stupid banter. It's great to have a colleague you can connect with not just on a professional but also, personal level. We told each other we must back each other up and pull through the coming years together.

I AM JUST SO BLOODY THANKFUL.

At the end of the day, as long as I still find meaning in what I do, I believe I can last through the years. Soldier on, set the lethargy aside, rest when I can and focus on taking one step at a time.

I don't know how far I can go, but at least I know I'm on the right track.

I stayed at home the entire day today on my off day because I'm down with a flu and cough. If there's anything that I hate the most, it's to be sick. I would never take an MC to escape work... I'd only do it if I'm really sick. And the sad thing was, I COULDN'T take MC last week because I had work to do. I told myself that I had to last through the week before I can have some semblance of peace the week after.

But anyways, it's already the second half of 2018!!!!! so. fast.
And you know, how around this time of the year, you kind of forget what your resolution was at the start of the year? Yeah, same here. I went to look at my blog post again, and I realise... I almost lost sight of what I told myself at the start of the year.

That's why perhaps my mind and body went into overdrive. And that's how I fell sick. Maybe.... I've been treating my job a bit too seriously. I need to remember to keep my expectations in check and tell myself to breathe.

Then again, I guess I'm also adjusting to the new job role. Reporting, really isn't easy. I feel.... really tired on some days. Like really, really tired. Sometimes, it's not what we have to do that's tiring, but the juggling of different stories that's weighing me down. Feels hard to breathe sometimes. In the past couple of months, I haven't really found the time to exercise either!!!! And exercise makes me feel good, and so the lack of it has also started to affect my mental health jeez.

Sigh, and it's times like this when you start to think about the meaning of life and that kind of mumbo jumbo.

I'm currently reading the book "Option B" by Sheryl Sandberg, and she talked about the power of journaling. How writing helps with processing thoughts, rationalising them, making sense of it all. It helps with self-compassion and being kinder to ourselves. I thought about that.. and I realise my way of journaling has been this, right here in my blog.

So even though I've been busy, I will always come back here to pen my thoughts and reflect.

And right now, I'm here to whine and rant about lethargy and fatigue. Wondering how much energy I still have in me to last through the years. Whether I can still craft stories in a meaningful way.

I realised the fatigue was getting to me when I wasn't trying to get to understand my interviewees as people... I was merely... trying to get the interview done and over with. That made me feel horrible.

But the job is so fast-paced, I feel bad that I'm not treating my interviewees with dignity. But merely for a "story". It's sad, it really is. So sometimes I keep a mental note that if possible, I must always thank my interviewees at the end of the day when I still have someeee time.

It's only been two months, and I'm trying to hold on. But I tell myself, it's only the beginning, and I only need to get used to it. I've been through tougher times and this too, shall past. All about adapting - transitioning is always the hardest.

If you're a friend, and you see this, drop me a cheer-me-up note, or even something silly like a dog's cute butt or your stupid face bahha. I'll appreciate it loads!!!!!