when i first came back to singapore from bhutan, i thought i'd feel refreshed and rejuvenated. instead, i was feeling really sad. i coul...

when i first came back to singapore from bhutan, i thought i'd feel refreshed and rejuvenated. instead, i was feeling really sad. i couldn't understand why i was feeling the way i was feeling, especially since i'd just returned from the HAPPIEST PLACE ON THE PLANET. i thought it was just a case of the travel blues.

i thought maybe the only other person who'd gone on the trip with me might feel the same way too.  my dad and i were in the car one day talking all about our travels, and i proclaimed "I MISS BHUTAN!!!!" and in that moment, i felt myself tearing up at the same time. but luckily my silly dad couldn't sense anything haha, he just went on saying "ya.. it was a great trip. maybe next time i should go back again hor? that time my friends said they..... *trails off*" 

i went to work and people asked me how was bhutan, i said i LOVED IT. those who had been there understood what i was feeling, they said they loved the country too and missed it. one colleague told me she cried before she left the country. i said me too, i felt like crying the morning i was to leave. 

another night, my dad and i were once again talking about the hikes we did, the scenery that we saw, people that we met, and my poor mom had to put up with our never-ending raves about the country. i wanted to proclaim how i missed bhutan again. but before i could, i felt myself choke up and i quickly went back to my room and the tears couldn't stop and i cried to myself.

i was thinking, what the hell is happening to me?!?!?! why am i feeling this way omg? siao?

and all of this happened within a week upon my return to singapore.

the next day, i woke up and dragged myself to a course i had to attend in the morning. after that, it was back to work at the office. i went to a colleague to ask for help for a story i was working on, then i suddenly remembered she was the one who had told me about the wonders of bhutan before i left. i told her, "omg bhutan was amaaaazing!!!" she said "it's amazing right???!" she was there about 3 years ago and had been there for her graduation trip. she told me all about her experience and said "i was depressed when i came back man." for a moment, i thought she was joking. then she added, "for three months, i couldn't stop crying every time someone asked me about bhutan" then it clicked for me, somebody understood what i was feeling!!!!! i was not some weirdo!! then i told her what happened to me the night before.

hers was pretty serious though because she was triggered every time she thought about her trip. she explained that it was because in bhutan, we were surrounded by the vastness of nature all the time, every single day. she said nature has an impact on us in ways we cannot explain and it gave us a surge of endorphins and happiness, a "high", so much so that we came crashing after coming home.

i remembered the colour of the fields, the vastness of the mountains, the smell of the crisp air, the whispers of the wind and the magic of the stars... they gave me a kind of peace i couldn't find back in singapore.

my colleague shared with me a poem, that i'd like to share with you too:


The Peace of Wild Things

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. ~ Wendell Berry


both my dad and i agreed that this was our favourite of most favourite photo of the entire trip
he's even chosen this as his desktop photo at work

i remembered how each day in bhutan went by without much thinking. i did not think about the past, i did not think about the future, i did not think about when the trip would end, i did not feel fear about when it would end, i only thought about what clothes to wear each day, what i was going to eat that day, what we were going to do that day, whether cycling would be tiring, i was living in the moment each and every single day - with full focus, no fear, distress, anxiety, or distraction. i just lived every second of it without a thought of anything really. and lucky for us, the entire 9 days went by without a single mishap, everything went by smoothly, without a hitch.

that's when i realised why i was feeling the way i was feeling when i came back...

thoughts started to fill my every day. about work, about life, about relationships, about everything. the anxiety began to creep on to me, and unknowingly, it was eating away at my soul. and perhaps this was what my life used to be with the constant nagging of thoughts.

then it dawned on me, i only had to let go... it was as simple as that. let not your thoughts become you. let not your thoughts lead your life. for they hold no power and give you no control over anything. i was shrouded by negativity just by, whaddyaknow, my own thoughts!

it all clicked. and i couldn't believe that that's what's been giving me pain and anxiety for so long. seriously, sometimes, there's no need to think so much. just stop. there's no use in dwelling on problems and past mistakes - it only gives them power to rule over the mind. what matters is what you do now. at that very moment, you are the most powerful. you can choose to remember what happened to you, what you did, where you came from, how you grew up, what kind of household you grew up in, which school you went to, what grade your teacher gave you for math - all of that doesn't matter at all. who ever told you they did?

you did.

and now you also have the power to shut those thoughts - it can even be a really minor thought, but if left to fester, it becomes destructive.

i know it's not easy and i'm still learning to shut those thoughts in my mind. i used to think people who enjoyed meditation and yoga were a bunch of bozzos hahah, but now i understand why. it actually helps to declutter the mind and shut out all the noise a city brings. 

strangely, and quite beautifully, it took 9 days in a rural country to teach me this - to learn to live in this very moment.

and believe it or not, one month later since coming back, i've felt joy and happiness like i've never felt before~

when i was younger, people would ask me what my "type" was and i remember telling them, 'oh, as long as we can talk really wel...

when i was younger, people would ask me what my "type" was and i remember telling them, 'oh, as long as we can talk really well, i think that's my type'. then my friends would scoff and say that's too general cos then, you would fall for any guy that way. but i'd say, no!! it's not easy to have good conversation with someone.

when i grew older and people asked me the same question, i'd tell them, 'he has to be kind'. then people would scoff yet again and say, 'oh c'mon. let's be real...' and i would say 'no, i mean it, he has to be kind, that's the first priority.' then they'd say 'what constitutes kindness? anybody can be kind!'. but i'd say, no... not everyone is kind and when someone is kind, you can feel his generosity, thoughtfulness and care for people around him. that's what kindness is.

while i was in bhutan, my dad told me that my mom was worried i'd be lonely. i said i'll be fine, i'll be sure to find someone not to worry. then my dad said, "as long as you are comfortable with the guy, and both of you can talk well together, it doesn't matter if he is rich or poor, chinese, malay or indian. it doesn't matter, as long as you're both happy."

with that, i now can say that my type is someone who is both kind and someone i can talk to about anything under the sun.

After taking this photo, I thought to myself, this really captures what I feel about the trip Took me long enough to write up this pos...

After taking this photo, I thought to myself, this really captures what I feel about the trip

Took me long enough to write up this post - came back last Saturday but was reminiscing about the whole trip the past few days and completely stuck thinking about the wonderful place I just came back from. Lemme tell ya, when I woke up on the day that I was to return home, I felt like crying. I laid on my hotel bed feeling sad. I didn't know why, and I still cannot explain why. I guess I simply had an amazing time.

The title of the post also says it all, it was a very special trip because it was one with my dad and just my dad. I don't know if I've mentioned it here before but he wanted to go on a trip with each of his children to a place where he/she desired. I picked Bhutan, simply because it was the one place that I'd always alwaysss wanted to go to since my uni days. Even despite the high costs (250USD per day for visa), I was intrigued by the culture and heard plenty of good things about the country. We had planned to make this trip happen a year ago, and my dad prepared himself physically by building up his leg muscles - he had a knee replacement not too long ago in June last year - because there was a lot of hiking to do on the trip. I am sosososooo proud of him for making it all the way to the top of a mountain where a monastery was! So proud! He was even walking faster than me at one point, amazing.

So this trip is very much dedicated to him, and I'll remember it for a longgg time to come.


I'll post some photos highlighting the trip - there were so many beautiful sceneries, but I promise you I'll show you the best and only the best. I won't bore you with too many words, just a few nice photos and words to go along with them :)


FESTIVAL

Thimphu Tsechu - a Buddhist festival in the Bhutanese capital, Thimphu

Thousands of Bhutanese came in their finest ethnic wear to celebrate this festive Buddhist occasion.
I was told, almost the entire population believes in Buddhism, only a handful in Christianity and Hinduism, and one or two in Islam
Us too in pretty costumes, hehe :)
We felt really warm wearing it, great insulator.
Also, all those who dressed me up, asked if I had bought the costume, I shook my head and said it was my guide who loaned it to me. I asked why? They all told me "It's very expensive".
Well, we truly were royalty then bahah
And that's our guide Sonam! He lent his own traditional Gho to my dad, and his sister's Kira to me :)
He was there every step of the way for 9 days, also always armed with a smile.
Made some Bhutanese friends who told us all about the performances going on in front of me.
Duptho Zangmo is the name of the girl right beside me. Spoke english fluently - I found out they learn english at a young age just like us - from 5 years old onwards. I reckon they follow the Singapore system quite closely. She's got a lovely character as well, and we still keep in contact through Instagram ;) I was astonished by how they're all so well-versed in social media as well! The use of technology is slowly spreading across the country - considerably fast since they only started watching TV in the 90s!!



Made some cute baby friends too hehe


CAMPING

Camped overnight for one night among the mountains with the river flowing right next to us.
One of the major highlights of our trip :)
My dad was really happy here :)
So peaceful and quiet and... magical. I spotted a shooting star that night!

Toilet was 5-stars hahah.
But seriously I was expecting a hole in the ground, they actually set up a tent with a toiletbowl fwah, A-star standard.


Dinner on the left; Breakfast on the right
They were some pretty awesome meals I tell ya.

All of it, while being surrounded by this gorgeous landscape!!!


HIKING (loads of it)

... at simply one of the most beautiful places on earth....
spot the lady in the middle harvesting rice!!
happy_cool_dad
this was at one of the villages on the way from Thimphu to Punakha (Bhutan's former capital)
for someone living in the city, to see rows and rows of golden rice plantations was simply wonderful

Longest suspension bridge in Bhutan - about 200m long - is at Punakha.
Look at happy_dad once more haha

View from a hike to one of the temples at Punakha
Isn't this... just amazing. I really couldn't believe what was before my very eyes - it's a frakking oasis!
We were very lucky to see paddy fields full-on green.
Imagine if we were to come at a time when all the rice got harvested nuuuu

The view from up above....
Simply amazing. Simply Bhutan - haha that should be their tagline.


And are you ready for one of the most magical places......?

whyyy just look at thatttt aaaah!!!!!
Welcome to Phobjika Valley - somewhere with way higher altitude, therefore thick jackets













the valley was crazy beautiful and mystical even though it was the only place that didn't give us blue skies
gave it an added magical touch :)


And guess what we stumbled upon?
\
a pretty buckwheat field!!

*heart eyes emojis*
yup. we were that ecstatic
hahahh


Us fooling around with the lichens.
They're hanging on trees everywhere, and I was told, they're bioindicators of a healthy forest.

There was one more place that we hiked - Taktsang monastery, also known as Tiger's Nest - and I'll leave it as the last place to show you later on in the post.


FORTRESS

Spirited Away much?
It's the Dzong architecture that you see in many of Bhutan's important buildings. This is the Punakha fortress where the country's five kings were coronated. Each city has a fortress, but to me, this was by far, the most majestic and it literally took.. my breath away :')
I really loved the sight of it
Even inside, it was beautiful architecturally
And a kind of stillness and quiet surrounded the compound
Our guide was also surprised by how we were the only ones in the fortress at that point of time - I believe it's usually teeming with tourists

PICNIC LUNCH

happy_cool_dad having one of the best picnics - he literally felt like he could die already
I kid you not, there was one time I woke up to check if my dad was still alive hahahahah cuz he was seriously super happy?????



I too, was super happy.

WE were super super happy...
Just imagine being surrounded by this wonder every single day?! 


MARIJUANA 


Don't you think it's crazy that we found marijuana alongside the road???
I literally just came out of a toilet before my guide showed it to me. I waz like whuuut????

who'd have known! i'd have walked right past it i tell ya
i hope bhutanese youth won't succumb to this drug. i really hope not.

CYCLING (every damn day)

What made it extra awesome was being able to cycle in every city of Bhutan, and taking in the sights and sounds slowly... instead of sitting idly in a car and watching everything go by quickly.

Yes, cycling was really tough - steep uphill climbs, undulating hills, and rough terrains - but I had a great time seeing the mountains, trees, valleys right before me and breathing in the crisp air. I would do it all over again in a heart beat.

It was extra fun for me because of my guide who has extraordinary amounts of energy, I swear to God I dunno how he musters that much in him to exert himself this much. There were days when we'd cycle to a monastary, do a 2-hour hike up, then cycle back to our hotel. It's insane!!!!

But then, the scenery is also insane, so here goes~

Thimphu 
At Thimphu - this was especially hard for me because I hadn't acclimatised to their altitude yet so the air was thin and breathing was heavy




I even got to experience some everyday local life when Sonam stopped to buy some vegetables -
something my dad couldn't experience. He dared not risk biking cuz if he fell, it'll be real bad...


Thimphu to Punakha
Downhill cycling all the way from one city to another~

It was a long and winding road, but hey, this view all the way through though....



Punakha 
:')
My favourite place in Bhutan
Shagged, tired, happy, full -
all together into one, that's how I felt


.... where the cows were also super happy

can't stop loving this place
my dad and i agreed that everywhere we looked was a photo opportunity
and i'd look at the view and constantly tell Sonam, pls let me take this back to Singapore hahah

Phobjika Valley
Woke up at 5am just for a morning cycle
hazy, but nonetheless, very pretty still :)

I always see these white flags all over the country and I was told they represent the dead. When someone passes away, their family members would plant these into the ground to remember them.
I asked, so when do they get removed? Cos people die all the time and the whole place is gonna be filled with them. Apparently, once the flags get worn out, only then, they'll be removed. Prolly explains why there are sooo many of them around.



Paro
I knew this was gonna be my final bike ride... it was in the evening, one day before I was to leave.

i kept yelping omg, omg, my guide must've been like wtf is wrong with this woman?!
i simply could not stop taking photos...
or believe that this was before my very eyes :')

It's actually painful just looking at these photos man, haha. Too.. gorgeous, and many times while I was there, I could not believe that I was in the presence of such scenery.

Sonam admiring his own country - Man, I miss this dude so much
Although he tortured me every day by making me ride up steep hills, it was incredibly fun with him. He was like a brother to me, especially since he's the same age as my real life bro. I'd bicker with him every day, call him out, call him a monkey, call him a sore loser hahahah, while he would take unglamourous shots of me sleeping in the car with my mouth wide open. Instead of a stranger to me and my dad, he felt like family to us. Like a good nurturing bro, he'd look out for me and teach me new things every day - it was always interesting to listen to his perspective on things. Very refreshing to meet someone like him and I guess in a way, he made me miss having my own brother at home.

Oh Bhutan, please, take my heart already.

TIGER'S NEST MONASTERY (ultimate hike up on our final day)
THIS was the hike that my father was so afraid of doing. He was afraid he might have to stop somewhere along the way and get a hitch up by one of the horses.

Have a look at our journey up~ it was a formidable feat indeed - all 3,120m of it.



At this point, we were halfway there~
Gorgeous view and weather to accompany us
All throughout the trip, we were blessed with such skies.... so so thankful.
And there it was, Tiger's Nest in its full glory.
With the right amount of sunlight shining on it, so very beautiful indeed....
We definitely had to have a snap here :)
This was after three hours of walking :)
We then took a short tour around the monastery - no photos were allowed inside.

As we prepared to head down, dear Sonam hadn't had enough of it, he wanted to take me HIGHER. So while my dad rested and prepared to take the arduous journey back down, we walked up to another tiny temple that not everyone went to.


It was extra tiring as I walked up to this other temple, especially since I had already exerted myself earlier on. Started feeling hungry as well, but thankfully we had chocolates to save the day.


.... and we were rewarded with this view of a baby.........

i was sooooo fkin happy.
can you spot tiger's nest? yeap we saw its roof from up here.
hahahah look at my stupid face
we were literally the only two people up there, it was amazing and I thanked Sonam for taking me here.
I was beyond happy :')
lol what a poser

HOMESTAY DINNER

After a hotstone bath from our hike at Taktsang, we were brought to this family who whipped us a fantastic meal - our final one here in Bhutan.

Hahah cheers! They always serve rice wine, called Ara. I always have difficulty finishing it, it's really strong.
And yeap, my dad and I decided that we should don the traditional clothes again on our final night :)
THESE CUTIESSSSSS!!!!!! AH!!!!!

Girls are the best la, they know how to play along by doing these kissy faces haha, boys won't.

With the entire family :)

And then eventually, my dad and I parted ways with Sonam and our driver, Kencho
THIS was our lil family portrait :)

Then it was goodbye at their airport the next day~~
We kept waving goodbye as we parted ways... till the very end.
Oh and how could I forget... we were on the same flight as the King and Queen of Bhutan as we made our way back home. I know, it's super hard to believe but it's true. At the start of every announcement, the pilot would say "Your Majesty, Her Royal Highness, Ladies and Gentlemen...." Every passenger on board was ecstatic. I should've taken a photo of the red carpet being rolled out!!

That's pretty much my Bhutan trip! There are still so many things I could go on about - like their food, interesting airport, road signs, road etiquette (no seat belts needed! 50km/h driving only), people, traditions, culture, prohibitions (no smoking, no drugs) but it'll simply take many many more days for me to complete this post.

I hope however, that the essence of it is captured here and you can feel how I felt while I was on this trip. I've taken away lessons from this adventure, and I will always remember what a memorable experience this was. It's going to be difficult for me to rev my engines and go back to my hectic life again.

Only 9 days there, but Bhutan has already changed me in the most subtlest and gentlest of ways. One day, I'll be back again~

Thank you Bhutan, it's one trip my dad and I will never ever forget.