About me
A Singaporean girl chronicling her adventures of life here at home and abroad. Stick around!
Lim kopi jiak roti
Have a read before you go~
Social
To hope, again
/
4 Comments
I received this message early yesterday morning, after a pool of tears the day before. It was a week of emotions that rose and fell.
But seeing this message from my Burmese friend warmed my heart greatly again.
Shine is of the same age as I am (I know, Myanmar people sometimes have funky names).
He was the first person I met in Myanmar because he was to be my colleague and boss sent him to get me at the airport. He was very very shy and dared not speak up for himself sometimes. He was very helpful though and walked with me all around Chinatown when I first arrived in Yangon. Once we became more acquainted, he even took me to accompany him for his English classes and would always tell me about events that happened in Myanmar in the past. Even with his limited ability to fully express himself in English, I enjoyed our long conversations about his thoughts and ideas about current affairs. You'd be surprised - My conversations with him were far more engaging than those I have with some of my Singaporean friends at home. Very worldly ideas that many in Singapore would think people in Myanmar don't have.
Unfortunately, like a lot of other young people in his country, they lack the confidence to believe that they are more bright, intelligent and capable than they think they are.
Shine's greatest weakness was his inability to see his own strengths.
One day, he approached me to teach him English. I turned him down coz I knew I could never be a teacher. No patience. No capacity to tolerate. Sky high expectations. And have I already mentioned: No patience?
"Don't ask me to do this. I can't."
Eventually, I talked myself into doing it because, before coming to Myanmar, I promised myself that I wanted to do something for the people of Myanmar. And so, I convinced myself that as a native speaker of English, "even if I think I can't teach, I will still be able to teach because I am more equipped than someone who isn't. I shall try. I shall give it a shot."
I went back to Singapore for my graduation ceremony. Then came back to Myanmar with two Primary 3 and 4 essay books in hand. When I first showed him the books, he sniggered and said, "this is elementary school books! my english is basic standard..." He was embarrassed. Nevertheless, we began our lessons.
Over the course of one month, I tried my best to teach him how to write essays. I was aghast when I realised in his 16 years of education, he was never taught how to write stories but how to memorise them. So I decided to teach him how to write them since long-form writing would be the best way to learn sentence structure, speaking and creative thought all at the same time.
There were good days, and there were bad days. Bad days happened when I could tell he was angry with himself... But I was also angry with myself for not being good enough as a teacher and for failing to make him feel good that he was progressing. One time, I could sense his frustrations because he walked out right after we were done with our session when usually, we'd talk for an hour or so. I was heart-broken.
Subsequently, he told me he needed a break for about two weeks.
Sadly, we never resumed lessons and I just assumed that I had been a bad teacher and I was pushing him too hard. Little did I know, it was his lack of confidence in his own abilities. He had a lot of pride in his ability to use the language. He majored in English at University and was quick to criticise himself every time he made a mistake. (Surprise surprise, standards in Myanmar Universities are very low so having a Bachelor's degree does not equate to anything internationally). But he still took pride in learning English. So much so that he felt down when I had to correct mistakes in his essays, which made him coop to himself and stop approaching me altogether. I think he must've felt like shit that at his age and level of education, his standard of English wasn't good enough.
All the while, I had been thinking about myself and concerned about my own abilities to teach that I had overlooked this. And didn't encourage him to continue learning the language with me.
So before I left Myanmar, I felt like I didn't do much to help him. I thought that.. I didn't help at all. And that feeling sucked lah.
I came back to Singapore and felt like my time in Myanmar was wasted. I still feel that way sometimes. That I hadn't achieved what I set out to do.
I always question if I made the right move since I never did anything big or extraordinary. Or for anyone.
His message today, however, has made me feel hopeful again. I'd been following his progress on Facebook when he passed his english exams to be a tour guide and also eventually, attain his license to become an official tour guide. It was only very recent so I feel very happy for him!!! And also, his message was such a surprise!! He rarely texts or writes me anything at all, even when I was in Myanmar. So this was out of the blue.
It made my entire day : )
With that, I can now say this in retrospect,
It's just like what I did with Shine. I never thought then, that what I did would be of any use. That it was too insignificant to even mention. I thought I failed. But... just seeing how appreciative he was of our sessions of late night essay writing.... I do feel a sense of hope for whatever that happens in the future.
Perhaps I won't see the flowers and fruits of what I sow today, because I am too myopic for what could happen in months, years and decades later.
Everything counts. Every little thing counts.
When all I could feel was pain, and suffering, I start to see the little glimmers here and there. I find it kind of strange but, every now and then, I also see beauty. In the littlest forms. The way the light shines, or the scene that unfolds in front of me at the window of the mrt. They were things I would've overlooked, but have come to appreciate on a day-to-day basis.
Maybe experiencing the depths of emotion brings about a keener, more acute sense of appreciating the little gifts. And I think that in itself is a gift.
p/s the quotes were from X-men: Days of Future Past (my favourite movie btw, though I never liked action-hero movies. X-men is an exception)
p/p/s apologies for the cheesy titles, and all the emotional posts so far. it's been tough, but thank you for reading and for the very thoughtful comments. i know you guys don't say much, but i will keep writing~
But seeing this message from my Burmese friend warmed my heart greatly again.
Shine is of the same age as I am (I know, Myanmar people sometimes have funky names).
He was the first person I met in Myanmar because he was to be my colleague and boss sent him to get me at the airport. He was very very shy and dared not speak up for himself sometimes. He was very helpful though and walked with me all around Chinatown when I first arrived in Yangon. Once we became more acquainted, he even took me to accompany him for his English classes and would always tell me about events that happened in Myanmar in the past. Even with his limited ability to fully express himself in English, I enjoyed our long conversations about his thoughts and ideas about current affairs. You'd be surprised - My conversations with him were far more engaging than those I have with some of my Singaporean friends at home. Very worldly ideas that many in Singapore would think people in Myanmar don't have.
Unfortunately, like a lot of other young people in his country, they lack the confidence to believe that they are more bright, intelligent and capable than they think they are.
Shine's greatest weakness was his inability to see his own strengths.
One day, he approached me to teach him English. I turned him down coz I knew I could never be a teacher. No patience. No capacity to tolerate. Sky high expectations. And have I already mentioned: No patience?
"Don't ask me to do this. I can't."
Eventually, I talked myself into doing it because, before coming to Myanmar, I promised myself that I wanted to do something for the people of Myanmar. And so, I convinced myself that as a native speaker of English, "even if I think I can't teach, I will still be able to teach because I am more equipped than someone who isn't. I shall try. I shall give it a shot."
I went back to Singapore for my graduation ceremony. Then came back to Myanmar with two Primary 3 and 4 essay books in hand. When I first showed him the books, he sniggered and said, "this is elementary school books! my english is basic standard..." He was embarrassed. Nevertheless, we began our lessons.
Over the course of one month, I tried my best to teach him how to write essays. I was aghast when I realised in his 16 years of education, he was never taught how to write stories but how to memorise them. So I decided to teach him how to write them since long-form writing would be the best way to learn sentence structure, speaking and creative thought all at the same time.
There were good days, and there were bad days. Bad days happened when I could tell he was angry with himself... But I was also angry with myself for not being good enough as a teacher and for failing to make him feel good that he was progressing. One time, I could sense his frustrations because he walked out right after we were done with our session when usually, we'd talk for an hour or so. I was heart-broken.
Subsequently, he told me he needed a break for about two weeks.
Sadly, we never resumed lessons and I just assumed that I had been a bad teacher and I was pushing him too hard. Little did I know, it was his lack of confidence in his own abilities. He had a lot of pride in his ability to use the language. He majored in English at University and was quick to criticise himself every time he made a mistake. (Surprise surprise, standards in Myanmar Universities are very low so having a Bachelor's degree does not equate to anything internationally). But he still took pride in learning English. So much so that he felt down when I had to correct mistakes in his essays, which made him coop to himself and stop approaching me altogether. I think he must've felt like shit that at his age and level of education, his standard of English wasn't good enough.
All the while, I had been thinking about myself and concerned about my own abilities to teach that I had overlooked this. And didn't encourage him to continue learning the language with me.
So before I left Myanmar, I felt like I didn't do much to help him. I thought that.. I didn't help at all. And that feeling sucked lah.
I came back to Singapore and felt like my time in Myanmar was wasted. I still feel that way sometimes. That I hadn't achieved what I set out to do.
I always question if I made the right move since I never did anything big or extraordinary. Or for anyone.
His message today, however, has made me feel hopeful again. I'd been following his progress on Facebook when he passed his english exams to be a tour guide and also eventually, attain his license to become an official tour guide. It was only very recent so I feel very happy for him!!! And also, his message was such a surprise!! He rarely texts or writes me anything at all, even when I was in Myanmar. So this was out of the blue.
It made my entire day : )
With that, I can now say this in retrospect,
"Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time...
... enough ripple, and you change the tide... For the future is never truly set."
It's just like what I did with Shine. I never thought then, that what I did would be of any use. That it was too insignificant to even mention. I thought I failed. But... just seeing how appreciative he was of our sessions of late night essay writing.... I do feel a sense of hope for whatever that happens in the future.
Perhaps I won't see the flowers and fruits of what I sow today, because I am too myopic for what could happen in months, years and decades later.
Everything counts. Every little thing counts.
When all I could feel was pain, and suffering, I start to see the little glimmers here and there. I find it kind of strange but, every now and then, I also see beauty. In the littlest forms. The way the light shines, or the scene that unfolds in front of me at the window of the mrt. They were things I would've overlooked, but have come to appreciate on a day-to-day basis.
Maybe experiencing the depths of emotion brings about a keener, more acute sense of appreciating the little gifts. And I think that in itself is a gift.
p/s the quotes were from X-men: Days of Future Past (my favourite movie btw, though I never liked action-hero movies. X-men is an exception)
p/p/s apologies for the cheesy titles, and all the emotional posts so far. it's been tough, but thank you for reading and for the very thoughtful comments. i know you guys don't say much, but i will keep writing~
