My mom's turning 60 in a month. Yeah 6-0. She'd kill me if she knew people knew her age hahaha.

And dad's not too far behind. 57.

Staying here at my aunt's place, away from home, away from my family, makes me think about them.

I think there really isn't much time left on Earth to spend with them. A decade or more and I'd start to risk losing them. In fact, I'm starting to feel like my time with them is slowly slipping away...

My parents are putting old people's oilment now. The kind of oilment that old men and women would use for aching joints and pains. It never occurred to me that they'd start using it anytime soon. I see the white hairs, the groans of pain when they walk or stretch. Aches me a little.

Sometimes, I think about problems. Then I think about my parents. And losing them. My problems suddenly appear so small.

Sometimes, I wonder about life's decisions. Whether or not I should go overseas to work. But I know I'll be losing precious time with them and there really isn't much left.

Sometimes, I imagine myself whispering to them how much they mean to me, but alas, my inhibitions pull me back and I don't act the way I want to.

And when the time comes to let go, I'm afraid it'll all be a little too late.

Every moment, every laugh, every joke that fills the house - I try to remember. Even their voices. I must admit, every time I try to conjure their voices in my head, I can't remember how they sound like and I feel a little guilty. I don't know why either. I remember how everyone else sounds like, but them. Strange eh?

And....

This is gonna be a bit heavy.


And Sometimes, I question why God would want us to love Him above everyone else. I can't imagine loving my parents any less than Him. I love them as much. I don't know how Christians can surrender themselves to Him. Difficult isn't it?

I will always remember the biblical story of Abraham and his son. He's about to kill his son when he's interrupted by an Angel and instead, sacrifices a lamb. Why does God need Abraham to prove his love to Him by killing his own child? I really don't understand why.

Unless they're all mere stories?


Apologies for bringing in religion but ya get what I mean.

I wonder if Christians question these things, coz I do, all the time. Maybe it's because I fear God or fear the unknown. But there are some things that I really can't put my finger to or understand. They say Faith is all someone needs, but put together with logic, the equation doesn't add up. I scratch my head.

Why would God send parents to us who care and nurture us, but tell us that we can't love em as much? People become empty shells when people around them die.

It really is quite a cruel world here.

These are just one of the 101 million things that I'd only find out when I die.