It's 4am now.

I was packing my luggage just now at 10pm and I was thinking about something.

Earlier in the day at 6pm, I had a Skype call with one of my profiles - He was the band manager of a Swedish band called Brothers Among Wera. After the call, I got a sense of how much that band struggles to try and get to where it hopes to eventually reach - which is a breakthrough in their career. They play music for free, talk about gigs that they were excited for which few people came for eventually and how they don't make much but try to get along in life. Hearing all this... I realise how damn bloody tough a musician's life is. You work for passion, and you don't know where it leads you to, but you work for it. So easy to lose faith. And now I know why many musicians end up doing what they're associated with - drugs and all that jazz. Talking about stereotypical musicians in general, not this band. Being a musician... you don't know where the hell it'll lead you to, and life is not beautiful because there isn't $$$. But musicians continue to do what they do, because they have passion for the music they produce. New found respect. Not only that, I also learnt... making music isn't all that glamourous. Quite depressing in fact.

I got stressed thinking about this. Why?

Because I was thinking of the documentary. My team and I had sort of confirmed another band to profile already and it's ridiculous to have 2 bands in one documentary talking about the same thing.

So I am stuck in a position that I have to cut one of them out. But that is so tough!!!!! I can't do this. My poor heart isn't strong enough to tell someone we can't have you in our film.

I really love the other band's profile as well. (it's super important to have strong profiles because they'll give you good quotes. and their energy radiates through the screens) She's so honest in what she says and I absolutely love her personality. Furthermore, she has a compelling story - a mom, has a day job and has to juggle with all these aspects in life on top of her music career. I spoke to her on Skype too and have already told her when filming will be done, etc.

But here I am, stuck with 2 bands, and I will have to decide who has to make the cut. Sigh.. I can never be a judge on reality contests coz I can't bear to do this. It almost feels like you're dashing people's dreams ya know. Not easy being a bitch. Gotta give it to Simon Cowell.

I was quite stressed about this, so while I was packing my luggage, I kinda snapped at my mom coz she was so naggy and I was already so pre-occupied and absent minded.... that having to deal with external malware Is Cannot. I knew she was trying to help, and do her job as a mother to make sure I have everything ready for travel, but aiyo, I rather not have the help if I'm troubling you. (she was tryna get the luggage out for me and she comprain her hand pain. really? then dont helppp, tell you already!)

After I raised my voice at her, she went back to her room and played Candy Crush lol and sat silently. I felt bad duh coz afterall, she was doing what every good mother would do. So I mustered the courage and apologised to her (yes it takes a lot of courage to say sorry ya know). She said, "no lah you never shout at me what". That means she's ok. And she was back to nagging at me after that haha.


So here I am, having to decide which band to make the cut.

I have quite a few factors to weigh. And I don't have much time. Flying TONIGHT man. Gotta talk it out with my teammates but ultimately, someone has to do the dirty deed.


Anyway, I've one shoot to do at 9:30am soon in Singapore. Yay. And look at the time, Yay. Yay me.

No sleep everyday from now till end of October I tell you.

Here are the 2 bands: very very different genre of music for both. And I have my obvious bias for one of them. But my team mates like the other. Sigh, I'm minority.






If you manage to guess which band's music I like more, then, The Queen (me) shall knight you Her Majesty's good stead.