As I grew older and learnt more, heard more stories, I've come to terms and understand that it actually is perfectly reasonable to break up. In fact, it could be for the better. 

Even though I've never been through one before, I've lost friends too. Although the intensity of it is not at all as serious or implicative as a termination of a relationship, it is still a human relationship and connection lost. I've thought about it and I used to think I haven't ever lost friends before. But actually, I have. It's never been something that I've been aware of till I dug into the recesses of my mind. In breakup terms, both dumping and being dumped by others. 

The reasons behind ending a friendship with a jc friend was because the friendship was toxic and it bore a lot of negativity and I wanted out. I didn't want a friendship that made me feel bad about myself and negative all the time. Looking back, something in my gut told me to distance myself. And the 18-year-old-me did. It was quite a harsh thing to do, to stop suddenly without any reason, or talk it out. But it felt necessary then. Another friend in uni, we clicked right at the start. Could laugh about everything. But the more I knew, the more I realised our differences in values. I realise how important similarity in values is and it probably forms the bedrock of many relationships. 

Finally, I got dumped by a friend who had been with me since my secondary school years. We'd been friends for agessss. But the friend grew distant from me. I could tell she was angry with me. I kept asking her what it was, trying to get her to meet up with me to talk things out, but my requests were always turned down. It sucks to be on the receiving end but I believe she has her reasons. Till this day, I haven't figured out why she decided to stop being friends with me. I've given various accounts but none are verified. And may never will. 

That's when I decided to stop trying to mend the friendship. To let it go. It hurts and is still hurting every time I think about it, because a friendship with so many good years of solid friendship... To see it go, is such a waste. 

Through these experiences with broken friendships, I am starting to understand the reasons behind break ups and why sometimes they need to happen. To hold on to something that no longer works can cause both to suffer. And individuals can no longer grow. We will feel stifled. Differences are inevitable and as we grow older, it seems to me our interests shift as well. 

I used to hate how people would tell me that some people come into your life at a certain point of time for a reason and they will go once the time is up. And we move on. But actually......... I still hate it lah hahahhaha. I still find that sad. I live for my ideals and will find a way to reconcile with life's mysteries. The middle way is the way to go. Oh sounds so much like Buddhism. 

Alright ciao before you start swirling in my word vomit!