Let me hiao a bit la ok, my birthday so you can't do anything bout it.

I turned 24 on Wednesday! Ya know, I actually don't feel old at all. I think I'm really young. And I guess also because at my office, I'm one of the youngest people around and they always tell me that I look young (oh what a compliment). I think I've still so much to do, so much potential~~ hahaha.

This year, I decided to put my birthdate on Facebook, and I was so heartened to get soooo many birthday wishes :') It felt nice. And it was good in a sense that I reconnected with a lot of people simply because they wished me personally via whatsapp or messenger and updated me on their lives. Some, I haven't seen for sooo long. Some of them, overseas friends whom I've lost touch with. It felt so darn good!!! I'll be meeting a few of them for dinner just to catch up physically. I removed my birthdate from Fb initially cos I thought it was attention seeking and I was being childish cos I wanted to see who'd remember my birthday lol. But this time round, I wanted to go back to when I first began Facebook in 2011 and find out what it felt like to be inundated by birthday messages. It was a good move indeed heh heh. Glad to reconnect once again - that was in fact, a great birthday present ;-)

There were of course some who loved me more than others haha~

Ngawww

Din Tai Fung cos Din Tai Fung is love.

This one stayed past midnight to countdown my birthday with me. But actually I asked her out HEH.

My twin lol Who is currently overseas

Last week, he suffered the full brunt of my emotions because there were so many things that happened at work, which I think you'd understand from my previous post. My parents were overseas and I'd usually talk to them about my day or life's mundane things so when they weren't around.... I inevitably relied on my brother. But who has time for a stupid sister? Especially when you've got your own life to lead. So he wasn't at home a lot of the time and I kinda blamed him for not being around for me and I was thoroughly pissed. I needed him, yet he wasn't there for me but who the hell would've known. And who was I to dictate what he should do. What a selfish thing to do. So when my parents returned, they sensed that something went wrong between me and my brother, and I think I was visibly stressed. Soon after though, we kinda mended our ways. But I was so sad that I couldn't sleep one night and cried while letting everything out by writing a letter addressed to him. That I was sorry for being an asshole of a sister and that I missed the days when I could talk to him whenever because he was always around. I realised I had taken him for granted then, and well, you don't know what you've got till they slip out of your hands. I didn't pass the letter to him. Only today - He was to fly to Korea for a wedding and I was like "Na, for you. Read when you have time on the plane or something." haha. My brother and I, we have very very different personalities. I care deeply about things and the world around me so I also succumb to my emotions easily. While he on the other hand, is pretty chill about life and let things be. Yet, we communicate in our own special way and I'm very happy to have him. I guess we're just growing up and moving on to things in our separate lives. And I am slowly coming to terms with that.

I guess this is indeed the next phase of my life.

Reporters + Producers - one of the reporters was leaving so it was a farewell session

I finally had time to properly talk to my colleagues. I think it was really important? For me to get to know them and for them to gain trust in me cos well ya know, new gurl in the haus what can i say. It was fun as well lah, some of us adjourned to clubbing at this weird ass place and I thought it was funny seeing them busting their moves, while I was still too sober + embarrassed to be goofy with them.

Knowing them better also gives me an added boost that perhaps I have a place there, and that I can belong somewhere. It's funny how humans have to find a tribe and a sense of belonging. I guess everyone just wants to feel accepted somehow. And yeah, after three months working there (which btw feels more like SIX months), I think I am sorta feeling like I have a place. Of course I miss Current Affairs folks, but at least now, I think I can rely on a few souls in the office. And they shared their struggles too... so now I do feel like these people have been through what I am going through and I think they had it way tougher. I have my moments still, but at least for now, there's this shared sense of camaraderie. Which I appreciate very much actually.

And just when I had one of my lows a few weeks back, life is looking up now. I can see a path ahead once again.

Also because, I have figured out some things in life. I have laid down some rough goals in my career, which came to me quite like an epiphany, and I think they're freakin achievable and I feel a lot more inspired to get my ass crackin again at work. They're kinda like 4-5 year plans and I think it's important to have them because while we were at school, everything was laid out nicely - pri sch then go to sec sch then go to jc then uni then find job. But usually after that last step, it's like huh what next? So I'm pretty set on a path again. It's open-ended of course but has taken a shape that is a lot clearer for me. I'm back in action.

Another thing that happened to me was that I attended this coaching session that lasted for 15 minutes. I was damn skeptical about it cos I think these things are pretty condescending like who the hell are you to tell me what I should do with my life. But just speaking to someone who stripped my thoughts to its core, I kinda figured out some of the expectations I had of my job that created this gap that prevented me from being fully happy of where I am right now.

I realised I had problems reconciling with the fact that my role in the media is to be a facilitator for conversations. I often overlap that with being an advocate. You guys know how I feel deeply for certain issues and try very hard to bring them to light but sometimes fall short because of restrictions and also cos I've forgotten what my role of a journalist is. I think being AWARE of the functions of my job, I have learnt to manage my expectations of what I can and cannot do. Which is good - I may feel shortchanged sometimes but at least I've re-synced the way I think about things. There are ways to better utilise that spirit for advocacy like pushing for stories that I care about by putting my emotions in the right area. And at the same time, I can be contented simply because I played my role as a facilitator well. Advocacy can wait.

For now, this seems about right. Time will tell. I'm quite excited.

New life, new phase, I am ready. It's like I'm 21 all over again.

In the meantime, I'll catch y'all later!

I'm tryna complete my SEA trip blog post hahaha I'm back to writing it again. It's like a project that I started and won't feel satisfied till it's completed. Been a year already whew!