Hi Suxin!

Yesterday Suxin and I completed 21km at NTUC Income race. I know, it's N-T-U-C. It doesn't sound cool at all like all the other races such as 2XU, Great Eastern, Sundown, but it was something we signed up for a year ago out of the blue and decided to continue running again this year (and probably next year, and the year after, and the many many more years to come, till we grow old and cranky)

It was a beautifullll run. It really was!

We ran non-stop, constantly running side by side, never leaving the other behind. We have similar running speeds so that's awesome since it's tough if one's faster than the other and they'll feel like a burden if they're slower. What's great is that even though we ran at similar speeds, there were different times during the race when one of us would feel more tired than the other... Which means that we always had the other for mental support. For example, at the start, I had more energy so I led the beginning. As we approached 15km, I started to slow way down coz I could feel my hips burning and my mental state of mind wearing down. But with Suxin running ahead, I continued to push myself, telling myself to never stop. So with each other, we could go further because we were always tryna keep the pace, supporting the other while taking turns to lead. Great team work I'd say ;-)

What made it even more beautiful was the changing skyline and different trails that we took during the race. Better than last year's I'd say. There's something about running in the wee hours of the morning and seeing the sun slowly rise as the minutes and hours go by.

My body is a bit sore though, but what's beautiful without pain? The race was indeed tiring man, at the 15km mark I was quite tired already. When I saw how much of the route we had left I almost thought I definitely had to start walking. I often wonder how people do the full 42km marathon. Pretty sick I'd think.

Nevertheless, I thought doing this race was really great, with Su Xin as my buddy and a way to expel whatever I had in my mind and body. We were flyyyyingggg. (clocked a timing of under 3 hours woohoo! better than last year's)

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Also, I am flying in a few hours' time.

I didn't tell you guys but... Early in March, I received an email from the festival that my FYP mates and I went to at Selangor - the Freedom Film Festival. It was the one that I travelled to from Myanmar just to meet them : )

It stated that their festival is held in conjunction with Project Southeast Asia - The world's largest conference on the topic of Southeast Asia. This already got me excited, since I'm crazy about Southeast Asia because there's so much to learn about the region. And I mean, I came back from travelling the region. So it struck a major chord within me.

What's crazy is that, it's held in London.

What's even CRAZIER is that it's held at the University of Oxford.

I know, I know... that's freakin crazy eh? One of the world's top Universities and I'm going there to showcase my group's FYP film?? No freakin wayyyyyyy.

Since I'm the only one in the group who is still unemployed (haha) and has the time to head over, I will be representing us.

The only sad thing is that... The school won't be funding me, not because I've already graduated (the funding applies to graduates for a year) but because... I'VE BEEN FUNDED BEFORE. Remember I went to Barcelona exactly a year ago? Jesus, I've been sapping too much of my school's fund. I appealed, but got turned down. Guess they really don't want me to be using up those funds no sir ree.

Nevertheless, I feel that it's something that I really should attend and the talks, I'm sure, would be insightful as well. I hope I'd gain a lot of useful knowledge about the region. Not only that, I mean, it's Oxford hahaha.

Although I've been to London before in 2010, it was pretty long ago and I probably didn't have much memories. It holds significance to me because it was a place that I went to after my A levels results were out and I was so glad that they were good, it almost felt like a trip to reward me. But it was also a place when I faced my fear of whether my face was breaking out too much. One of the lowest points in my life~ It took me on my highest of highs and the lowest of lows.

Similarly, this year, I've been going through a lot of negativity the past few weeks. It almost feels like this trip to London would be a time and place for me to set my mind free once again.... To rethink about things. To reboot my life like how I did, 6 years ago.

So... that's why I feel so much of a calling to head there, despite not receiving funds from the school haha. I was debating with myself whether or not to go since a while back I was thinking if I didn't get funded, it would mean a no-go. Eventually I decided to go against all odds lol dramatic. I still have enough savings so... : )

It could also be that, I don't want people to be thinking that I'm trying to escape my problems. Or.. Why is she just flying all the time and not staying in Singapore? As if I am shirking responsibility and not taking ownership of my life. Like I have too much money and time to fly here and there.

Well, as long as I know that those aren't my reasons, I suppose what others think wouldn't matter eh?

Lastly, remember my post titled, "I have a dream"? Yes, very Martin Luther King-like. I wrote it two years ago about my plans upon graduation... What I'd like to do with my life, and what kind of hope and change I can give to society. Seeing it again, I remember how purposeful and driven I was. How ambitious and idealistic I was. And how much faith and hope that I had that I could change the world I live in - or at least the country that I live in.

I read it once more, and was reminded of my younger self. I long to see her and feel her once more... I'm searching for you and I really want me back again. Bolder, stronger, and ready to take on the world.

I write this, feeling like I'm going to cry.. haha.


I ended that blog post with these lines:

I don't know how I'm gonna get there, don't know how I'm gonna land myself a ticket to London, don't know where life will take me to reach there, all I know is, this is what I want to do and I sure as hell wanna make sure I get there.

Wish me luck guys :-) I'll be back in a week!