When my brother first described to me this new girl that he met, his eyes shone, his voice went a pitch higher, and it seemed to me that his...

Being a protective sister and learning what love is

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When my brother first described to me this new girl that he met, his eyes shone, his voice went a pitch higher, and it seemed to me that his whole life well, turned goo goo ga ga.

I was excited and happy for him :-)

One night, as I was readying to go for a jog at about 11pm, I had a chance to meet her. She was tiny next to my brother and was a very positive cheerful girl. Her hair was long and she was bespectacled just like my brother. I shook her hand and smiled my brightest smile - Finally, I got to meet her! I asked them what they were up to and she told me they were heading towards the park to have a stroll. As I was walking behind them, I could sense how gay and happy they were as they held hands. They were truly gay and happy and I was so happy for them.

After 5-10 minutes, I parted ways with them and began my jog.

I had never had so much energy jogging in my entire life and finished my route in quick time.

Love. It has a profound effect on both the person himself and the people around him. I was so glad to have had the chance to witness it and feel its magic even when it wasn't directly occurring to me. I was elated for him!

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One month later or so and last night was the day for the new girl to meet my parents. My mom and dad shook her hand and we had a good dinner at a Japanese restaurant. Everyone was cordial. Everyone was happy. Everyone got along.

Except me.

I tried to comprehend why I was feeling so... disgruntled about the whole meeting. I was so quiet throughout and finished my food so fast. I just wanted to get out. And I didn't want to be the odd one out being the only one unhappy when everyone was happy. I was ruining things. Why?? I'm usually so accommodating to people I meet and try to make them feel at home so it was disconcerting for me.

Something was bugging me...

When I said that love has its profound effects, it not only is positive.

\\ Like a drug, a person undergoes both extremes. The highest of highs. And... the lowest of lows.

In the lead up to meeting my parents, problems started to surface between the two. As with all relationships. And as I listened to my brother pour out his woes to me, I couldn't help it - my impressions of the girl started to change. I saw how sad my brother was when his worth was put to the test. Whether he was good enough. All because of another person.

There was one time, he rummaged his entire room overnight. They had a tiff before that. And he was trying to find a letter she gave to him when they first got together. His hair was dishevelled and his eyes downcast.

It was tough seeing my brother all stressed out like that.

---

I know it is none of my business minding anyone's love affair. But I can't help but feel a sense of injustice for my brother. Sometimes, I wish I never listened to the things he told me. Then again, we are so close and we talk about a lot of things. I try to be objective, but I have my own principles and convictions and can't understand why people do stupid things.

So there I was at yesterday's dinner, indignant about the fact that my parents found her likeable.

And there I was, seething and also feeling guilty that I should ever feel that way.

A pang of jealousy maybe? That this new person has usurped my brother's heart. That she has changed the dynamics of my family. That things are going to be different.

Or perhaps it is the knowledge that I have that my parents don't, about what my brother went through.

And what's maybe more probable... and that I find hard to accept is the fact that maybe............. I still don't know what love is.

That it is tough, that it needs work. Just learning from my brother's relationship. As much as I hate seeing my brother hurt, perhaps it is necessary that he goes through the shitty things because that's just how it is.

Yet... yet... it's hard to let go when I remember the times my brother went nuts. It sucks.

But whatever he chooses to do, I know he's making sound choices. And as much as I want to stand up for him and make things right, I shouldn't.

I guess it's also because I care too much. But I'm learning.... learning how to align my idealism and the ways of this world~

And as long as he is with her, she will be part of my family too. And I will learn to accept that things will change and eventually, realise that love is never simple or easy. Sometimes my judgment is clouded because the person involved is one who is close to me. My instincts switch on and I go into primal mode. I suppose I have to let go haha.


One thing's for sure though,

I'll always be his joker and he'll always be my batman hahahahah
and we'll be there for each other no matter.



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