and a whole lot of laughs

Then there are friends who are granted the special privilege of seeing

... side of me.

I reveal my different sides to different people. Sometimes a combination of fun and weird, or a combination of intense and confident. I used to think I was Medusa or a cursed two-faced snake.

But I realised that I'm made of this strange concoction of bold, funky, vulnerable, intense and quirky. All mixed and jumbled up into a wonderful person called me.

And the ones whom I can truly call my friends, recognise that 'me'. And when they see all these different sides, they will still nod and say, yeap, I know that girl and I love her so. (hehe!)

Having so many different sides to me - all of which play a leading role - I thought I might be a little mad. But I suppose a little madness won't hurt anyone eh? Cuz at least I ain't boringggg.g.

----

Well, didn't that sound a little like poetry?? Why thank you, thank you very much.

As you can tell, I love Emma Stone and Michelle Obama :-) Zooey Deschanel and Elle Fanning not too far down the list as well.

Was a little inspired after reading this New York Times article called "Our Mothers as We Never Saw Them" and I was quite intrigued by it. The author asked several people to send in photographs of their mothers when they were young like in their 20s, and their interpretation of them. She sees that society places value in certain traits of young womanhood - of being spunky, fun and wild - which are qualities we don't normally associate with mothers.

Therein lies the problem:

"But if these characteristics are a prerequisite for a properly executed womanhood, does becoming a mother divest a woman of such qualities?"

The author continues,

"In studying these photos, and each daughter’s interpretation of them, I’ve come to wonder what traits we allow our mothers to have, and which ones we view as temporary, expiring with age and the beginning of motherhood. Can a woman be both sexual and maternal, daring and responsible, innocent and wise? Mothers are either held up as paragons of selflessness, or they’re discounted and parodied. We often don’t see them in all their complexity."


This was something I never quite thought about because I always assumed my own mother was never the sort who was wild and fun-loving when she was younger. Even now. That's cos I've always seen my mother as my MOTHER. The one who protects, compromises and nurtures. I'd never wanna see my mom as this young sexual being lol, that's quite sick.

But I've come to realise that hey, my mom must've had her fair share of good fun when she was younger and that she probably had to sacrifice quite a bit of her self and personality while transitioning to motherhood. It's like part of your identity changes or is taken away when you become a mother. Or maybe she didn't have that part of her sacrificed, and maybe she's had that fun side to her all along and I refuse to see it that way.

I must say though, the article is quite skewed towards the Western thinking of how young women should behave or embrace being wild and free things. I believe it's more conservative over here, don't think many people necessarily see sex appeal as a good trait for young women haha.

Nevertheless, it's surprisingly also helped me in my process of understanding my parents a lot more... They were also learning and growing, just like we were when we were babies... maturing together and making sense of what it means to be parents in this strange confusing world. Making mistakes and sometimes leaving mental scars on their children who take them along into adulthood. Some people crumble and refuse to become parents themselves knowing what their parents did to them. They're afraid they'd make the same mistakes and inflict the same kind of hurt on their own children.

But I think it's important to understand and accept that they're only human. That they never wanted to hurt their children because they're only doing what's best for us. We can only forgive, for they too, had it tough.

Now when I look at my mom (or my dad), I wonder how much of their young self is still embedded in that 50+ year old body. Did they often feel conflicted while looking after me and my brother? Did their "self" make a lot of sacrifices? Which parts did? And which parts remained?

Plus, now that they've "finished" taking care of me and my bro, since we're working adults, are those parts that they lost coming back to them? Do they feel like it's okay to revisit some of their lost selves? A case of Benjamin Button perhaps?

One thing's for sure, their kids definitely got a bit of weird from them. Running through the Tan bloodline for e t e r n i t y .


Anywhos, a Happy Mother's Day!

And thank you May's mom for birthing her on this day :-)