so so so SO IMMENSELY PROUD TO SAY THAT I PASSED MY MOTORBIKE TEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so flying happy that I passed on my first try and that I won't have to go through it again and I can finally put this journey to rest. 

You really don't know how much effort I put into this to get here...... it started with realising omg, this is so different from driving because I constantly face all of the elements - sun, rain, wind, exhaust gases in my face and wearing multiple gears (helmet, knee and elbow pads, gloves) throughout the time I'm learning. And then, realising the bike is so damn heavy. Then falling down multiple times, and picking myself up. THEN THE DREADFUL Lesson 5 and 8 where I've to go through an intense test to get through to the next round. This was the reason why it's so so so much more painful to get through compared to driving - because even though there are only 8 lessons, every single lesson is almost like a test and you've to pass each stage to get through to the next. I've to say, I've never failed so many times in my life. Lesson 5, which is a combination of all of the circuit routes, was my biggest nemesis - I only passed on my fifth attempt. I don't remember driving lessons being that tough??? 

So yes, even though I passed the final traffic police test the first time, I went through A LOT of failures on the way to get here. Plus, this entire journey was even harder with the kind of crazy schedule as a reporter. Sure, I can predict when my days-off are - but lesson slots are not always available on those dates. And if I want to ride on the days that I'm working, it's nearly impossible to predict if I've an event to report on or cover in the morning or afternoon, and nights are completely out of the question. Also, over the past year, I had to juggle many things - my wedding, malaysian elections, honeymoon, overseas stints. Each of those took out at least two weeks of motorbike training and I've to relearn, retrain my muscle memory every time I came back to the circuit at Ubi. Because of this, I even had to extend my 1-year membership by an extra 6 months... which includes the inertia it took for me to get right off the bat (i hesitated for at least 3 months before i went for my first lesson in August last year!!)

That's why I was so desperate to pass the test on my first attempt, because I'd spent sooo much time, and as you can see in my previous post, it was giving me a lotttt of stress and anxiety. I think I repeated the word 'anxiety' multiple times because there's no other synonym I can come up with to describe the same feeling hahaha. If I failed, the next available test would be one and a half months down the road. I couldn't wait anymore, the anxiety was literally KILLING ME.

I could not sleep properly before my test. I was waking up at the most odd hours. The day of the test was the WORST - I woke up nearly every hour before it was 6am (my test was at around 7am). Can you imagine the kind of stress and mental toll my body went through?? I couldn't go through another round of it :''''')))) Also, I wasn't the only one feeling this way, nearly everyone I spoke with talked about the crazy nerves. THE MERE THOUGHT of motorbike lessons would make my stomach flip, and my heart race. Nothing has ever made me feel this way - maybe my A levels but even A levels didn't cause me to lose sleep man. Even love didn't give me this kind of crazy butterflies that lasted a whole year hahahaha sorry my husband heh.

Day of test - we lined up according to our age and the tester ensures our identification is accurate

Gear that I'm always padded up with each time

Figure-8 course! (which is quite fun)

Bibs I'll never wear again

I will never ever forget the moment they gave us the news. Those who had failed circuit were asked to leave, while those who managed to go outside to ride on the roads remained.

At the waiting area, multiple planes flew above us and we couldn't hear our instructor. After calling us one by one to confirm our names, he said:

"There are so many planes passing by today."

- suspense - 

"Because ALL OF YOU PASSED YOUR TEST!!!!!" 

And there were the loudest happiest cheers ever!!! I hi-fived the dude next to me even tho we'd only just got acquainted. 

Here's the best thing about riding school. Nobody gives a shit about what you do - whether you own a million dollars, or whether you sleep on the streets - we are all here, as equals, trying to do our best to get our riding licence and pass this together. Nobody talks about status or reputation. Here, we are intrinsically the same. It was a place where instructors want to make sure you understand your riding posture/performance and the dangers of being on the road. Because your life is on the line and whether you survive or die on the roads, depends on how much you learn in school, and then how you apply that knowledge. That's all there is.

It's also quite interesting for me to be in a place that's male-dominated. All my life, I've always been in classes, lessons, courses that had more females like comms school, arts stream in jc. So being in a place where I'm gender-minority was eye-opening. And somehow, there's just this camaraderie whenever I see a fellow woman trying to do her best out there. I naturally gravitate sitting next to a female learner, and talking to them. And we'll share our stresses and woes of learning this activity, that's almost like a sport???? I appreciate each one of you who leaned in and opened your hearts to me! Thank you girls, your presence comforted me in many ways. More than you'll ever know.

Most of all, I'm glad that I learned an important life skill. Everyone who knows about this has asked me - 

"Are you going to get a bike?"

My answer is no. At least not in Singapore. Then some of them reply,

"Wow that's a lot of effort just to get a licence"

The main reason for me to learn riding was so that I can ride safely, especially overseas. When the main form of transportation is motorbiking, I'll know what to do. Some of you who've known me long enough, remember I fell down many times while overseas - one fall left me with a knee scrape hahaha with my brave pillion aka Sianpei. Sometimes I don't know how I rode overseas without the proper knowledge. I could've got both of us killed. I can just say, youth makes people do dumb things hahaha.

Also, I simply enjoy the freedom whenever I get on a bike always. Both bicycle and motorbike. There's something so freeing about it.

And finally, I learned to ride because sometime last year, I felt like I was not learning anything new. All I knew in my life was my work. That's it. I was not picking up any new skills, and I really wanted to test myself, do something from scratch again. Open my eyes to something completely different, while also ticking something off my bucket list for the longest time (since 2016). And I did it! 

Yet, to be completely honest, if I knew the kind of stress I had to go through in hindsight, I would NOT have done it hahaaa. There were multiple times I wanted to give up. But I had already gone so deep (all the money spent on simulation tests, theory tests, online lessons, practice sessions), and I was nearly at the finish line. I'm not usually the kind who quits, I go all the way. So it was very difficult for me to reconcile with the fact that I'd considered quitting this whole thing.

So yes, I learned a lot about myself this entire process. New things about myself. That I am capable of undergoing immense amounts of stress, and still be able to perform. I learned how to transform negative chatter to positive self-talk. And that I can be my greatest enemy, and friend as well. 

Just look at this beautiful card. it belongs to meeeee muahaha

Will I go on to take my Class 2A and Class 2 licence? 

HELL NO!!!! Hahahahahaha I cannot go through this again. Besides, the motorbikes in those classes are out of my league - wayyy too heavy for me.

But if my backside itches again, then who knows. Though I'm pretty hell-bent that I won't do it!!!

Appreciate you listening to my rant - I realised I unknowingly made my entire blog private since late last year so I apologise if you haven't been able to track my life. Hope to be back soon!!! Till my next leave perhaps.